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#4863A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
#4864 A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor
recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill
his wellness potential."
Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the *American Journal
of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-
personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.
At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian
mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.
After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls
of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it)
only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
#4865A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
#4866A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of.
-- Burt Bacharach
#4867A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
#4868A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students.
-- John Ciardi
#4869"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
#4870About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group
of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar
and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects. Of the white-collar
men measured, 67% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than
their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF
test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual
performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve
immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
Neck in Relation to Visual Performance." Human Factors 29,
#1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
#4872Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
-- Wallace Sayre
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