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#981Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is
the best one.
-- Jack Hurley
#982Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that
called for a small employee contribution. The company was paying all
the rest. Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed;
otherwise the plan was off. Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded
and cajoled, but to no avail. Sam said the plan would never pay off.
Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's
a pen. I want you to sign the papers. I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
you're fired. As of right now."
Sam signed the papers immediately.
"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you
couldn't have signed earlier?"
"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so
clearly before."
#983Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
-- Arthur Miller
#984Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
(1) They want it quick.
(2) They want it good.
(3) They want it cheap.
I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
-- sign on the back wall of a small printing company
#985Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
-- Miller
#986Excerpt from a conversation between a customer support person and a
customer working for a well-known military-affiliated research lab:

Support: "You're not our only customer, you know."
Customer: "But we're one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons."
#987Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
-- John G. Pollard
#988 Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the
humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and
rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the
seats locomote through a short tunnel filled with clock-work dinosaurs.
The dinosaurs are depicted without accuracy and too close to your face.
"One of the few real novelties at Epcot is the use of smell to
aggravate illusions. Of course, no one knows what dinosaurs smelled like,
but Exxon has decided they smelled bad.
"At the other end of Dino Ditch ... there's a final, very addled
message about facing challengehood tomorrow-wise. I dozed off during this,
but the import seems to be that dinosaurs don't have anything to do with
energy policy and neither do you."
-- P.J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell"
#989Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
#990Fast, cheap, good: pick two.
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