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#10914My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
-- Muhammad Ali
#10915Nadia Comaneci, simple perfection.
-- '76 Olympics
#10916Never play pool with anyone named "Fats".
#10917NEWS FLASH!!
Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault
#10918Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
#10919Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: you can win
or you can lose or it can rain.
-- Casey Stengel
#10920"Oh, he [a big dog] hunts with papa," she said. "He says Don Carlos [the
dog] is good for almost every kind of game. He went duck hunting one time
and did real well at it. Then Papa bought some ducks, not wild ducks but,
you know, farm ducks. And it got Don Carlos all mixed up. Since the
ducks were always around the yard with nobody shooting at them he knew he
wasn't supposed to kill them, but he had to do something. So one morning
last spring, when the ground was still soft, he took all the ducks and
buried them." "What do you mean, buried them?" "Oh, he didn't hurt them.
He dug little holes all over the yard and picked up the ducks in his mouth
and put them in the holes. Then he covered them up with mud except for
their heads. He did thirteen ducks that way and was digging a hole for
another one when Tony found him. We talked about it for a long time. Papa
said Don Carlos was afraid the ducks might run away, and since he didn't
know how to build a cage he put them in holes. He's a smart dog."
-- R. Bradford, "Red Sky At Morning"
#10921On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the
same moment -- halftime.
#10922Once there was this conductor see, who had a bass problem. You see, during
a portion of Beethovan's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
parts, one of the bassists always passed a bottle of scotch around. So,
to remind himself that the basses usually required an extra cue towards the
end of the symphony, the conductor would fasten a piece of string around the
page of the score before the bass cue. As the basses grew more and more
inebriated, two of them fell asleep. The conductor grew quite nervous (he
was very concerned about the pitch) because it was the bottom of the ninth;
the score was tied and the basses were loaded with two out.
#10923One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
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