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#6504It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
-- Mark Twain
#6505It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion
that makes horse-races.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
#6506Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything.
Some think it is the voice of God.
-- Mark Twain
#6507Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain
#6508Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
#6509Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".
-- Shakespeare
#6510Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
#6511Let me take you a button-hole lower.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
#6512Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
#6513Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner

The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up

Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.
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