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#5318"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
#5319Life is like a tin of sardines. We're, all of us, looking for the key.
-- Beyond the Fringe
#5320Life is like an egg stain on your chin -- you can lick it, but it still
won't go away.
#5321Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes
you weep.
-- Carl Sandburg
#5322Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find
there is nothing in it.
-- James Huneker
#5323Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
-- Storm Jameson
#5324Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
-- Sanka Ad
#5325Living here in Rio, I have lots of coffees to choose from. And when
you're on the lam like me, you appreciate a good cup of coffee.
-- "Great Train Robber" Ronald Biggs' coffee commercial
Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
proper method of preparing them. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster
behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
"Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may
even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into
the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
be, too.
-- Dave Barry, "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and
Utensils into Excuses and Apologies"
#5327Man who arrives at party two hours late will find he has been beaten
to the punch.
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