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#3878Confidant, confidante, n:
One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to himself by C.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#3879Confirmed bachelor:
A man who goes through life without a hitch.
#3880Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
Mathematician's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all
odd numbers are prime.
Physicist's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental
error. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Engineer's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime.
11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Computer Scientists's Proof:
3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime...
#3881Connector Conspiracy, n:
[probably came into prominence with the appearance of the KL-10,
none of whose connectors match anything else] The tendency of
manufacturers (or, by extension, programmers or purveyors of anything)
to come up with new products which don't fit together with the old
stuff, thereby making you buy either all new stuff or expensive
interface devices.
#3882Consent decree:
A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
never admitted to in the first place.
#3883Consultant, n.:
(1) Someone you pay to take the watch off your wrist and tell
you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
Calculator, Will Travel.
#3884Consultant, n.:
[From con "to defraud, dupe, swindle," or, possibly, French con
(vulgar) "a person of little merit" + sult elliptical form of
"insult."] A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
has learned to decamp at high speed in spite of a large briefcase
and heavy wallet.
#3885Consultant, n.:
An ordinary man a long way from home.
#3886consultant, n.:
Someone who knowns 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
#3887Consultant, n.:
Someone who'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on
the ground and tell the truth.
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